I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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