Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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