# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
