so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
