you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
