i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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