Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
