it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
