she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
