I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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