Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
