Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
