i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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