I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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