Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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