Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
