Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
