literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
