She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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