dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
