I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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