There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
