How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
