"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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