it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
