Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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