just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
