I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
