goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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