she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
