You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
