I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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