Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
