OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
