I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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