saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
