I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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