the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
