mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
