You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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