I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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