you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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