Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
