he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
