this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
