Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
