I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
