Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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