He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
