Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
