THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
