i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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