be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
