brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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