my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
