I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
