smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
