I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
