we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
